We Lose Our Fathers Much Too Soon

Fathers are our rock, our support, and is frequently the issuer of stern punishment.  We may have grown up resenting our fathers.  We may have grown up never acknowledging his support.  We may have grown up fearing our fathers.  We may have grown up feeling our fathers are absent from our lives.  We may have grown up taking our fathers for granted.  Most of all we may have grown up never really knowing how much they really mean to us and even more tragically, we never get the chance to really know him.

I offer this story.  There is a tragic relationship between a father and his son.  Growing up there were many arguments, hurtful words, and hard feelings between them.  The basis of the tension is hard to nail down.  Did the father resent the son because the father had to marry?  Did he feel robbed of his youth, made to make a living?  Did the father feel like an outsider; always ganged up on by his son and wife?  Was he a little jealous of his son?  Did the son resent his father for never trying to be close?  Did the son feel his father didn’t understand him and didn’t even try?  Did he feel his father would much rather hide in the basement workshop than to spend time with his family?  Did the son hate the father and didn’t care to know his father.

Their lives took one unforeseen event that turned their relationship around; the sudden death of the mother.  The son started to realize how such a short time we have with those we love.  From that point on the son didn’t miss the opportunity to say “I love you” to his father and the father said “I love you” back to his son.  I think both were sorry it had taken so long and it took a tragic turn of events to finally have a father and son relationship.  They spoke almost daily on the phone (the 2 lived on opposite ends of the east coast).  The father stayed with his son every summer.  They never missed an opportunity to tell the other that he loved him.  They had the next five years in a close father/son relationship.  One evening, after a long phone call, the son thought his father sounded better and stronger than he had in the past.  He sounded forty years younger to the son.  They ended the call with their usual parting “love you, bye” (which sounded like one word loveyoubye).  The next morning the son received the call his father had passed away during the night.  The son was grief-stricken but was comforted in the knowledge that the rift between father and son had been mended.

Now the son finds himself as the father with a daughter that has pulled away from him.  The distance was the result of a petty disagreement.  She will not return any texts or emails from her father.  The father has reached out time after time but the daughter ignores him.  Will she put aside the disagreement?  Will she return his texts and emails? Will she call her father?  Will she make the call to her father? One would hope the father and daughter can reconnect before he is gone. 

The time passes much quicker than we realize.  We always think we have more time.  We forget to make connections to our loved ones.  Before we know it, time passes, loved ones die, and opportunities missed.  Don’t put off telling one another how you feel about your family.  Open lines of communication to mend whatever comes between you and your love ones or you may find out that time has passed and your loved ones are gone.  Let bygones be bygones; make the call and surprise your love ones and yourself.

Many may think this story is not real life but is just a dramatic story to make a point and could never happen to me. It can without you even aware of it. You see, I am that son who repaired his relationship with his father and the father trying to patch up the relationship with his daughter.